i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
