Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
