i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
