I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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