fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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