Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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