You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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