i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
