perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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