i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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