Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
