Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nutella sex= disaster
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
