Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize