I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
