paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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