it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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