between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
