Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
