The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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