I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
