you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
