we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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