He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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