I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
