____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sarcasm needs its own font
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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