Little spoons don't ask big questions
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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