sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
