Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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