last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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