like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
