I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
