This is not my ceiling
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
