shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
