why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
