When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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