why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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