Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
