i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
