U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Where is the hickey?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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