I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
