he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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