He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
