Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
