One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
