She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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