Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The air taste purple.
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