My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
