Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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