Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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