Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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