She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
